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A fairy tale for modern times

A spam comment left on, and now removed from, my work blog:

Hello all I have a sweetheart. We profession closely in a large convention. She’s self-restrained, cute and somewhat shy. So once she fell in love with this provoke from the department next door. He was an pc maven. And just imagine, he turned out to be so shy that even if she approached him with some job or just for jocularity , he would not ask her out because of his mousiness. Solution it was acknowledged that he liked her a lot too. We realized that if my sweetheart did not draw him somewhere, their connections would not last long ’cause anyway it is the man who is assumed to take the enterprise. Two months of dolor and she eventually evident to act. We got our pathway of affinity ready. First of all, we had to surge him somehow, stir him up so to say. For that besides purpose we decided to buy Levitra on the Internet since there was nothing else we could think of. We ferret for dosing levitra and found what we wanted. We got the package from the Internet store 2.6 weeks later. It was kinda embarrassing to buy it in the drugstore and here it was all covert. Just fantastic. Now all hopes for my sweetheart and pills. We turned two pills into crush. Then brought some hooch or hootch and waited till the weekend. Just a while ago the weekend, almost at the very end of the workday, we stirred the talc into one of the glasses with the alcohol and my sweetheart called the guy to help her with the computer. Everyone had by this time left and she was alone in the office. Stern he came up to her, she gave him some hooch or hootch with Levitra as if to thank him for the help with the computer. It was not long till the trick worked. As she told me afterwards, it had been romantic and at the same time so warm-blooded that she could not tell. The guy even proposed to her not long ago. So our plan had worked just fine. And did any of your friends or even you have amusing legend like this? Or maybe you found your dear half in some usual way as well?

Roughly translated: the author, and her female friend, purchased some drugs online then used them to spike an alcoholic beverage. The friend then called the object of her affections, who works in technical support, and gave him the dosed drink. They had sex, got engaged, and lived happily ever after. Aaaah. The whole thing reminds me of struggling through Malory’s Morte D’Arthur at university – a ludicrous tale, written in something that’s vaguely related to English but scattered with random items of vocabulary.

The blog comment is of course the result not of an imprisoned man hacking out craptastic Arthurian nonsense but of a sketchy automatic translation program – the kind that likes to insert the word fuck into innocuous sentences when changing Chinese text into English. But what happens if you push some already fairly incomprehensible English text (say, a chunk of the Morte D’Arthur) through an automated translation program? Brilliantly, the software inserts a cameo appearance from washed up poptart Britney Spears:

Then he saw to the relief of a castle Cleveland, He’s a horse, trapped in all red, and himself in the same color. When Knight saw in this Red balin, he thought he should be Brother balin cause by his two <July 5> sword, but by his career Know that he is not a shield, in his view this is not his. And so they aventryd their spears and came to the marvellously fast together, They smote on the other side of the shield, but they and their Britney Of course, such a big, it exposed the decline of horse and man, they lay Whether in a swoon. But balin is bruised sore throat, and his fall Ma, because he tired of the travel. And Baran are: first, Rose, on foot and drew his sword, to the balin, he He has the right, but Baran smote balin first, and he He made the shields and smote him through the shields and tame him The helm. Then again balin smote him with the unhappy sword, and And almost cut his brother Baran, so they have fought Together with their respiratory failure.

This is presumably caused by Google’s algorithm wrestling ineffectively with the words “their spears and their course”, but it’s still quite marvellous.

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