tomroyal.com

Plumbing the depths

It turns out that, contrary to my earlier claims, a new gas hob will not cost around £100. Instead, because I live in a flat, it will cost substantially more. Due to some obscure regulation passed earlier this year, any gas cooking appliances I buy need to have some sort of safety cut-out thing – […]

Read More

Elementary

Bonus facts: Hafnium can also be used to get smoother coffee*, smoother wallpaper and smoother jazz. * May cause death, for all I know.

Read More

Reasons to love Japan

Number somethingorother: the nation has a benchmark cherry tree for measuring blossom. This is going on the list, right after Studio Ghibli and before miso ramen. Unrelated hyperbole: “Email is my alpha and omega, my file-system and social register, my backup and my memoir“. It’s this kind of sentence that makes me want to pour […]

Read More

Cat fame, again

Furthering their attempts to take over the world, and branching out from previous appearances in magazines published by Dennis, Hunter and Ralph will soon be invading a WH Smiths near you in the CA Ultimate Guide to Easy Website Building. Check them out – and enjoy a special guest appearance by Boris the Myspace Panda […]

Read More

Bean counting

Our gas hob is on the blink again, so we’re reduced to cooking dishes that require no more than two saucepans or a single wok – it’s a bit like being a student again, only without the mouldy milk. Fortunately, gas hobs are relatively cheap (£100ish). Unfortunately you need a plumber to fit them (£as […]

Read More

New Adventures in Low-brow

Fresh from last week’s excursion into high culture at the theatre, I’ve now descended to the remarkable depths of The Springer Hustle, showing most evenings on whatever MTV’s Freeview offshoot is called. It’s quite remarkable even if, like me, the last time you saw The Jerry Springer Show itself was back in the 1990s when […]

Read More

Stalled

Every so often, in the office, a pub, or an airport lounge, I find myself having an argument with someone over London. Or, more specifically, why on earth anyone would choose to live here. Every time it boils down to the same thing: I’m presented with a fairly reasonable list of things that stink about […]

Read More

PC Brigade

Spent a while today trying to find a transcript of a Stuart Lee stand-up routine about Political Correctness. From memory, the punchline went a bit like this: “In years to come, people will look back at the 1990s and say to one another: do you remember Political Correctness? Wasn’t it awful – we had to […]

Read More

Man buys car

From this BBC article: When Sainsbury’s chief executive Justin King recently waved goodbye to his Maserati Quattroporte, he did so in favour of a relatively anonymous-looking limousine whose main claim to fame is fuel efficiency. I should have thought of this when we last changed cars – in fact, at just over 1,000 words it […]

Read More

All © 2019 Tom Royal. Theme available here.